Week #40 (Sep.30-Oct.6, 2019)

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Week #40 (Sep.30-Oct.6, 2019) - The Pain of Loss & Courage To Share!

Outside of music, I have a passion for education. I believe a robust education (formal and informal) is one of the single most powerful tools for personal and cultural enrichment. This passion has me frequently working with students in schools on almost a weekly basis. Earlier this week, I watched a teacher share a powerful story with her class.She began her class by apologizing for her 2 day absence (a rare occurrence for her), then proceeded to explain why. She mentioned that October is a difficult month for her because it marks the anniversary of the sudden and unexpected death of her father. This year will mark 3 years since he passed. For her, grief materializes in a very physical manner, manifesting as flu-like symptoms. She was out of commission for 2 days complete with aches, pains, fever, etc, yet without the actual viral infection. In fact, she mentioned that she knows the entire month will be difficult with recurring waves of grief coming and going. She concluded her story by mentioning her reason for sharing something so heavy with her class. In her estimation, our culture, doesn’t often speak about death or coping with the loss of a loved one. And you know what, I couldn’t agree more.In the older days, people died in their homes surrounded by loved ones, or due to poverty and economic underdevelopment, death was immediately visible in the streets. However with the modernization of societies, death has successfully been pushed to the fringes and back corridors of hidden institutions. Nursing homes and hospitals have become the receptacles of our dying. We all know it happens, but we don’t have to contend with it, until it comes personally knocking on our doors. Of course being surrounded by death isn’t a healthy alternative, so we (myself included) welcome modern advancements at sanitizing the inevitable. Still, we have to ask ourselves what we might be loosing the more veiled death becomes.  I suggest 2 outcomes are; 

• a diminishing ability and willingness to discuss the inevitable

• a diminishing ability to cope with the inevitable

Death is uncomfortable and scary, not to mention painful. Innately, all of us realize there is something unnatural about death, so we understandably kick against it. Youth is idolized, aging vilified. We do everything we can to avoid thinking about it by occupying ourselves with entertainment, leisure or work. The less we contemplate death, the further away it gets (or so we think), and the further away it gets, the less inclined we are to consider, much less discuss it. However, at some point, every single one of us will be faced with human mortality, whether it be ours or a loved one. When that happens, our lack of considering its reality makes it difficult to then navigate the minefield of thoughts and emotions that soon attend the tragic event. I applaud this teacher for sharing her story and shining light on a much needed conversation.I am no expert but if you’re dealing with a loss, here are some things I did to help me cope with the death of a dear friend 2 years ago. I still use these today.Allow yourself to feelYou’re not supposed to feel a certain way. You’re not supposed to do a certain thing. You’re not supposed to say a certain thing after a certain time. There is no expectation of performance. There are no prescribed pathways of grief. It manifests differently in all of us. Allow yourself to be, to feel. You don’t have to rush through the pain. Simply let yourself go through the range of emotions and stages of grief, however long each stage takes.Talk to someoneThe right kind of people can help you think rightly through your feelings and emotions. The right kind of people will allow you to feel. The right kind of people will be there to cry with you, to laugh with you, and then to cry again with you. They will not rush to provide a solution. They will be there to listen when you need them to, and to speak when you need them to. Talk to God"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18). I mentioned earlier that something within all of us hints at a strong suspicion that death is unnatural. That’s why we innately all have an aversion to it. I believe that’s because death is indeed unnatural. We weren’t created to die. Death wasn’t a part of God’s original design but only entered into the world as a result of sin. In this broken state, God makes his grace available to those who will call out to him in brokenness. He provides a real strength anchored in the truth that for those who believe on Jesus Christ, death does not get the final victory. The gospel in no way diminishes the sting of death. But what it does do is provide a robust understanding of why it happens and what the solution is. The life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ prove that Christ was in fact everything he said he was. And based on that, Christians have faith that those who believe will in fact, be raised with him one glorious day in the future, at which point, "...death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Rev. 21:4). God’s gospel provides grace and strength for the current sting of death and hope for a deathless, painless and glorious future, where we will be reunited with those whom we lost, who also believed.Until next week, 

#KnowItsRealP.S. Have you ever lost someone you love?

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